ambitiousval

WHO SET UP MY MOODS/EMOTIONS ON SHUFFLE

How do I jump from one intense emotion onto another completely different emotion?

I often find myself in awe of people who effortlessly maintain a balance between their emotions. Personally, I live at the extremes: when I am happy, I am euphoric. My excitement is so intense that it feels as though my heart might leap out of my chest. But when sadness strikes, it hits like a tidal wave, leaving me longing for an escape from this world.

Emotions are a curious thing. One moment, I might be revelling in the sheer joy of life, thinking, “Wow, everything is perfect.” But in the next moment, a shadow of depression can descend, making everything seem bleak and hopeless. This stark contrast in my emotional landscape raises profound questions: What is it about feelings and emotions that can cause such drastic shifts? How can one achieve their goals, fulfill their dreams, and still be haunted by a deep sense of emptiness and disorientation?

I envy those who seem to have it all together. They navigate their emotions with a steady hand, never veering too far into the extremes. In contrast, when paranoia grips me, it takes over completely, flooding my mind with an overwhelming fear that things will unravel and that I am merely an imposter in the various spaces I occupy in life. This fear often paralyses me, making it incredibly challenging to take even a single step forward.

The paradox of achieving success yet feeling lost is a complex one. It underscores the notion that external accomplishments do not always translate to internal fulfillment. For me, the journey of self-awareness involves acknowledging these emotional extremes and understanding that they are part of who I am. It means striving to find a balance, not by suppressing my feelings, but by learning to navigate them with greater awareness and compassion.

I aspire to achieve an emotional equilibrium. To those who, like me, experience the highs and lows with such intensity, know that you are not alone. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide an outlet for your emotions and help you understand your triggers. Reflecting on your entries can offer insights into your emotional patterns and how to manage them better. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that it’s okay to experience a wide range of emotions and that you are not alone in this struggle. Jolt down even the smallest wins and celebrate them. Also, maintain a grateful attitude.

By Ambitious Val 📝

True Power Lies in Calculating The Future Consequences of Our Actions, Words and Decisions.

In our daily lives, we interact with countless individuals, each with their own unique thoughts, emotions, and experiences. As social beings, our actions, decisions, and words have a profound impact on those around us, often shaping their reactions and influencing the course of our relationships. It is essential for us to cultivate self-awareness and recognize the significance of our behavior in order to build meaningful connections and foster positive interactions with others. By taking responsibility for our actions and considering the consequences they may have on others, we can create a more compassionate and harmonious world.Every action we take, whether consciously or unconsciously, has the potential to affect others. Our words can either uplift or deflate, inspire or discourage, and our decisions can shape the lives of others. It is crucial to recognize that people respond to our actions based on their own emotions, experiences, and perspectives. By being mindful of this, we can navigate our interactions with greater sensitivity and empathy.

Self-awareness encompasses not only recognizing the influence of our actions but also taking accountability for the outcomes they generate. We must acknowledge that we play a significant role in provoking certain reactions from others. This doesn’t mean we are solely responsible for how others choose to respond, but it does mean that we need to take responsibility for the part we played in the situation.

By developing empathy, we can begin to understand how our actions may impact others emotionally. Taking the time to consider the potential consequences of our words and actions demonstrates a deep respect for others and their experiences.
Take time to reflect on recent conversations or conflicts and consider your role in those situations. Ask yourself if your words or actions could have contributed to a negative outcome. Be mindful, pause and evaluate: Before responding impulsively, pause and consider the potential impact of your words or actions. Taking a moment to evaluate the consequences can help you make more considerate choices.

Self-awareness is a powerful tool for personal growth and building healthier relationships. We can make more conscious decisions that contribute to positive outcomes. Taking accountability for the situations we may have worsened and accepting our part in provoking negative reactions allows us to grow and learn from our experiences. Let us strive to be more mindful of our actions and words, fostering an environment of empathy, understanding, and respect for one another.

By Ambitious Val

SELF REFLECTION

Self reflection is the activity of thinking about your own feelings, behavior and the reasons that may lie behind them (Cambridge Dictionary)

It is good to take a pause and evaluate how you are doing mentally, emotionally, and physically. Self-reflection helps you understand who you are, your values, attitudes, desires, and motivations, and why you think, feel, and act the way you do. You can think deeply about what truly matters to you.

For you to actualize self-reflection, you have to be intentional. Look for a place that has minimal distractions, you can play some soothing music that won’t interfere with your thought process. Have your journal and a pen. You can pick a period that you want to look back into. Write down the highs and the lows of that given time. Allow yourself to be honest and vulnerable. Think about what everything you’ve written makes you feel.

I know the lows may be louder than the highs you’ve listed. It is human nature to concentrate so much on the things that have gone wrong over the things that have happened in our favor. Ask yourself whether the wrongs were things within your control. If yes, then think of what you may do differently next time. If not, then find ways to make peace with it. Dig deep into the different spheres of your life. Do you feel healthy? How do you feel about the various relationships you have? Do you like your job? Do you feel mentally at peace? Do you feel satisfaction when you look at the life you lead?

Do not be too hard on yourself. The goal is to get a better understanding of how you are fairing in life. You will become more self-aware. When you feel stuck, look back, dig deep, self-reflect, and then purpose to change. Without evaluation then you won’t know what you are doing right or wrong and what you should enhance or work on. Change is influenced by assessment and evaluation.

There are times I get an overwhelming feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and feeling unaccomplished. I have to go back to my journal and write down exactly what I am feeling and thinking. I then try my best to declutter and identify factors/events/people that influence my mood at that particular moment. It might be that I haven’t been working out, I feel disconnected from someone dear to me, there’s pressure from work, I have mental exhaustion because I haven’t been sleeping enough, or I feel unsatisfied because I have dropped my hobbies such as reading. After that, I implement habits that will eliminate those negative feelings. For the things that are beyond my power, I find peace and live with them.

By Ambitious Val.

It is okay to not be okay!

I had this tendency of always being strong and taking blows as they come. All my life the people around me have been praising how strong of a lady I am and they admire that. It led me to thinking that I shouldn’t show it when I am not okay. I didn’t let things get into me no matter how hurt and broken I should have seemed physically.

Recently,I realized that there is power in being vulnerable. Acknowledging that we aren’t doing fine and allowing ourselves to feel the different range of emotions,just soaking in them. It has allowed me to unload the heavy weights on my shoulders and in my heart. Nobody stated that being vulnerable is about talking and crying to people. You can let that soft part of yourself out when in your room alone or just write your problems down in a book.

Who said men aren’t allowed to feel? If they can love,hate,be happy,angry,anxious, excited and all: why aren’t they allowed to hurt? Men too are human and they feel everything that females feel with that same intensity if not more. We have been brainwashed and misled for years to believe that men are strong,they don’t have feelings,they aren’t allowed to cry. Are they rocks? Even animals cry and they aren’t well familiar with the words emotions and feelings.

Well,as someone who has been acting like *a man* even though I’m a lady,I’m here to tell all of you it’s okay to let yourself be vulnerable and let out your feelings. Admit them to yourself and maybe to someone you trust. You’ll be relieved of alot of pain/rage that you aren’t even aware is bottled up in you. Feel your feelings!

By Ambitious Val

PURPOSE

Have you ever sat down and asked yourself why you were born? Why do you exist or doubt what you are even doing with the life that God gave you?

Finding one’s purpose is an integral part of life. I know sometimes it is not easy for us to see the space we occupy in this world. Thoughts of not being of so much importance can at times overwhelm us and make us feel like the world isn’t our place.

As long as you are above the ground, just know that you are of importance and your presence is felt. When you are at rock bottom and you feel like you have actually had enough and you want out of this world, remember there are people who are more helpless and their situations are worse than you could ever imagine. Purpose is not all about knowing where you’ll be in the next five years, having a successful career, marriage and all other great things that you’d want to achieve.

The world is full of opportunities to make yourself useful. Making another person smile or laugh is enough reason for you to feel you are of importance. Purpose is mainly about how you make others feel and the difference you bring to the space you live in. Just help someone in figuring things out and feed their souls or spirits.

We are all important and the world would feel empty if we didn’t exist in the spaces we are in. We should focus on living in the moment, experiencing the beauty of life, and celebrating the smallest wins. Having an appreciative attitude goes a long way. It makes us focus on the positives and acknowledge that we are privileged in various ways. Try to do the things that bring you joy e.g reading, swimming, dancing, going for nature walks, riding bikes, listening to loud music, talking to a friend, writing. Do not let negative thoughts consume you.

By Ambitious Val

PERSONALITY

There are thousands of ways to describe personality. As much as people can learn, evolve and change in diverse areas of life, their personalities remain the same. Knowing one’s personality is a an enormous step towards being self-aware. It explains why we are the way we are, and why we associate with different groups and find pleasure in certain activities.

Personality, is a characteristic way of thinking, feeling, and behaving. It embraces moods, attitudes, and opinions and is most clearly expressed in interactions with other people. It includes behavioral characteristics, both inherent and acquired, that distinguish one person from another and that can be observed in people’s relations to the environment and the social group. (https://www.britannica.com/topic/personality/Psychoanalytic-theories)

When asked the question `who are you?’, most people tend to list their academic and professional prowess forgetting to unmask the person deep within. For example, I’d answer the question by saying, my name, age, academic level, and my position in our family: `my name is Valentine, I am a 12-year-old girl who studies at St Paul primary school. I am the middle child in our family.’ This response doesn’t portray anything about who I am. Yes, it is integral to incorporate our family, educational background our various attainments when doing an introduction of ourselves but we shouldn’t dwell on that and turn a blind eye to our inner being: our beliefs and values.

Personality is majorly described through adjectives such as caring, sensitive, outgoing, spiritual, energetic, calm, quiet, rude, bold, short-tempered, etc. It has nothing to do with one’s appearance/body physique. It is 100% about the things that are not tangible about someone. During a job interview, when the interviewers ask you to say more about yourself, they want to know about your talents/hobbies and personal attributes. It is not the time to say the things you’ve written in your CV. Having said that, let me re-introduce myself. My name is Valentine, I am bold, enterprising, confident, enthusiastic, and very outgoing. I have a calm presence that makes people view me as friendly and easy to talk to. I am dependable and always willing to learn. I have good problem-solving skills which make me want to be part of the team coming up with solutions. I find pleasure in reading books, listening to music, and dancing and I’m a talented actress. I believe that self-love is the first step to living life fully for you. I accept and respect people’s points of view and differences. There’s so much more to a person than meets the eye.

By Ambitious Val.

Who is your 911 when you are falling apart?

This year,2022 I’ve seen people posting on various social media platforms how 2022 had been a year full of challenges. In this era alot of youths are also struggling with mental health issues. We are huge fans of memes and we share them 24/7. Some people post memes for fun but others are actually trying to communicate what they are going through/what they are feeling through memes yet we take everything at face value.

Who do you talk to when you feel like you are losing your mind? Who calms your nerves and brings you back to sanity? What do you do to avoid suicidal thoughts or self harm? Who holds your hand and understands your tears and the words that can’t even come out your mouth? Who is your safe space? Who makes you feel alive again? Who replenishes your energy when you are at the verge of quitting? Who gives you a new lease of life?

As an adult,it is quite hard to have that one person who can offer all the above since everyone has their own struggles and life kind of separates you from people who you thought would be part of your life forever. Adult friendships require mutual efforts and good communication beacause everyone is busy trying to build their life or building their families. I have come to learn that our parents can actually be our refuge when the world becomes sour to us. Being a parent never stops,it’s a full time job till the day one will leave this world. We detach ourselves and keep secrets from our mums and dads yet they can understand what we are going through and they are in a position to comfort us. It is weird yet it is a huge problem solver. But we can’t share everything with our parents,it is important to have atleast one person who you can rant to when you need to let your thoughts out. Again,not everyone is to be trusted. Make sure you confide in people who won’t come to shame you afterwards.

Don’t suffer alone and don’t think that your problems or whatever you are going through is lame. At times you can just talk to a stranger,someone who you’ll never meet in life again and a huge load will be lifted off your shoulders and you won’t have a heavy heart. In this generation,a huge number of people are depressed but hide it under brilliant and beautiful smiles. Just be nice when you can,we are all fighting things that not many can comprehend.

By Ambitious Val

THINGS THAT NO LONGER SERVE ME

When I was a kid I looked forward to becoming an adult. Right now that I am one, I keep wishing that I’d go back to being a baby. Babies don’t give a care about what’s going on around them as long as they are well fed, watch tv, and have a few toys and friends to play with. Have you ever wondered why babies have the most friends? Babies don’t discriminate based on diversity. The more one grows, the more disconnected one becomes from friends and old habits. Age comes with distance from friends and it is until you are relevant to someone that you’ll remain close with them. What do I mean by being relevant? What draws you to those people you’ve been friends with over many years? You got to have similar interests, common habits, or talents. As an adult, you find yourself talking to people who you meet often as you do a common thing and you stay connected. You are drawn to those who help and support you in your daily struggles.

I can say that I have experienced self-growth in major ways over the years. I have had different passions/likes and in each stage of life I have gone up the ladder in terms of the things I intend to achieve, the things I’ve accomplished, and also the people I’ve interacted with. Each step of the way I’ve had people who are close to me and with whom we share(d) lots in common. I can’t pinpoint and say that this is my best friend and these others are just friends. Different people serve different purposes in my life and everyone is unique to me.

I am at a point in life where I have come to terms with the fact that people change, things change, and that it is okay to let go of things that no longer serve me. I have lost friends, gained new ones, and outgrown the things that used to excite me. Adulthood is a series of doubting yourself, then thinking you have everything figured out, you feel you’ve moved a few steps forward only to later feel you are stuck. Every day you are at war with yourself, debating your beliefs, values, purpose, and significance in life.

At times the things that hold us back are toxic friendships/relationships and certain behaviors that we well know don’t add to our value. Holding on can be because that is what brings us false fulfillment or we feel good when people know we are associated with certain people/groups of friends. I think the past few years have taught me that friends aren’t permanent and it is okay to cut strings when those friendships bring nothing to the table. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. Do you feel at ease/happy/fulfilled or do you feel drained, frustrated, or lost? Our bodies know how to detect energies and energies never lie. Let loose the people who bring chaos into your life. Do away with beliefs and practices that aren’t helpful. Do not seek validation or acceptance. True power comes in when you are the boss of your life and trashing the things that no longer serve us regardless of how hard or painful it is. Focus on the bigger picture.

By Ambitious Val.

Why don’t we see the greatness in us?

It has come to my realization that most of us are clouded by our failure in the past and don’t see the greatness we’ve achieved and how blessed we are. It takes a third eye to see how wonderful and able we are. We are too hard on ourselves and don’t celebrate our wins the way we should just coz we feel we haven’t really accomplished the level of success we desire.

It is easy to be carried away by the big things we wish to achieve in future and turn a blind eye to what we already have. We have to live in the present and appreciate the big and small milestones we’ve covered as we look forward to the mountains of success we wish to attain. Gratitude comes a long way with bringing some kind of contentment in our hearts. Having a grateful attitude will help us eliminate the feeling of emptiness that at times overcomes us. It opens our eyes to how far we’ve come,the blessings we have,how wonderful we are. At times it’s good to hear the opinions people have about us,the way they perceive us. You’ll be shocked to know how much value people place in you and how you carry yourself.

I have recently been experiencing imposter syndrome. This is an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be or feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience and previous accomplishments (meaning derived from http://www.healthline.com). I have had questions like,what am I doing where I am? Do I really belong? Do I really have the necessary qualifications for the various fields I’m involved in? Am I deserving of the titles given to me and tasks assigned? Even in my personal initiatives for example my blog. Just thinking whether my content is really good/ helpful and do people appreciate it.

This syndrome is a serious pandemic as it hinders us from achieving our full potential. It is a mental journey that we should devote out energy into overcoming as it belittles us and elevates the fear of failure which in turn makes us remain stagnant. Writing down positive things about ourselves,big achievements,small successes and the things we are good at can be a good start. Just refocus your thoughts to the most amazing parts of yourself,what you pride in and your strengths. You should reconnect with that little self inside and see the star that has been dimmed. How do you define your success? I understand that success means different things to different people. Don’t let other’s definition of success make you feel like you aren’t doing alright. Success should be personalized and you are the one to asess whether you’ve gotten to where you want and if not,what steps should you take to get there.

You are a phenomenal and you should be stronger than that small voice in your head that whimpers negativity. Believe in yourself and be a guru in your own life be it professionally, academically, socially and all other fields.

By Ambitious Val. Be exceptional!

We learn new things about ourselves from time to time if not everyday.

Each day presents a new chance for us to learn. We also get opportunities to pick between different choices that lead us to different situations. There are things we do that leave us questioning our personality,likes,strengths,values,interests and passions. This is because nobody has fully discovered themselves and a new day brings new things: we get to unlock a hidden part of ourselves. It actually explains why one day we wake up fully unconcerned and uninterested in things that used to excite us.

We all have certain titles,hobbies,talents,careers and abilities we want to be associated with. However,it disadvantages us such that we don’t want to try out stuffs and get out of our comfort zone. I have a friend who when asked who he is answers, *I never want to define/describe myself with titles as that could limit me to being one person. I feel I have different personalities and I am many things.* As insane as it sounds I totally agree with him,he is definitely many things and can be different people depending on the occasion. Describing ourselves using titles restricts us to being that one person.

In different careers,there are standard expected achievements,behaviour,lifestyle and even fashion for those associated with that particular field. Once someone says they are a doctor,we see them differently and accord them some level of respect because of the magnitude of their academic achievements and also accomplishments in life. We wouldn’t expect to see a doctor out in the club having fun and dancing like a lunatic. People have stereotypes on how teachers,lawyers,doctors,pilots,engineers and all other people have to live their lives. This in turn affects individuals and make them suppress some part of themselves to fit into the demands of the world. Similarly, we find ourselves doing things that aren’t associated with the titles/talents/activities we want to be known by or things that aren’t in line with how we view ourselves. I am not talking about things that aren’t morally right or those that go against our values.

Throughout my life I was like,I can never be a model. I didn’t even comprehend why people had fashion shows and the Mr/Miss competitions. I had an odd walking style,tom-boyish not even in my wildest dreams could I ever dream that I’d walk on a runway. I have been well known for being a great dancer all my life. That title has been my brand for the longest time. Guess what,I became a model in first year and I fell in love with the run way. My talent for dance was overshadowed and very few people in campus knew that I am a talented dancer. We develop new habits and interests along the way. Just coz you had said you can never do something it shouldn’t hinder you from trying. Titles shouldn’t limit us to one way of thinking and one way of doing things/living. Dare to do what your heart desires so long as you don’t go out of your values and morals.

By Ambitious Val

Mastering the Art of Staying Unbothered: Own Your Confidence & Worth

I am a girl who puts so much value in self love. I have been raised single handedly by a single mum . She has played a great part in what and who I am today. Growing up,she always kept on telling me to love myself and believe that I can make it. Her mantra was and still is, *you can have whatever you want as long as you put your mind,heart and efforts into it*. She reminds me that I am worthy of everything my heart desires and there’s no better person than me in the world regardless of the race, nationality, social and economic class. We are all the same,human.

Her words have kept me strong and made me have such a high self-esteem. Having a high self-esteem doesn’t mean that I don’t get affected by people’s opinions. There are people who are mean and get under my skin to an extent that I become extremely rude and speak my truth,then there are instances where I just look at someone and smile. Some time back, I worked at a certain place where the senior employee was always on my case. She used to just state negative things about me trying to be funny and to make me appear less appealing to my colleagues at work. She’s the kind of person who will look for the smallest mistake in your grooming/dressing and call it out Infront of people. Everyone was fed up but they couldn’t stand up to her. One time, I had a rough morning but I still had to go to work less I get fired. My tolerance was low and I didn’t want anyone stepping on my toes. I had worn a new blouse which I fancy alot. She looked at me up and down then asked *Kwani umevaa nguo ya mama yako?* In my head I was like,oh wow,this is gonna get interesting. I asked why the question. She said that it looked oversize on me. I looked at her up and down,asked her who is wearing the blouse and I walked away. Since that day she never asked me stupid questions again and I didn’t hear her state her negative opinions as she did before.

It feels really sweet to give people your piece and put them in their place. However,this should not always be the case. You shouldn’t let your emotions get out of hand coz you may speak back to people who shouldn’t be talked back to. If the opinions are from your friends,just search deep down to see whether it is meant to make you grow or it’s just to dim your shine. At times,you’ll hear comments that are only meant to see how mad you can get.

Bottom line is,people have their own thoughts of you and you can’t control that. What you have control over is your reaction,thoughts and words. It is not everyone that deserves your energy and response. You are way better than the one trying to bring you down.

By Ambitious Val.

How do you actually handle people’s opinions about you?

An opinion is a belief,thought, vague idea or a judgement about something which is not necessarily based on facts or knowledge.We say that everyone’s opinion is valid but still there are people who are too opinionated. They think their view is right and that it is a must for them to comment about everything and anything. Mostly,such people are often wrong or say negative things and things they should have just kept quiet about.

People say their opinions for different reasons 1. They think they can help or can give advice that will make your life better. 2. To feel like they are superior because they have more knowledge. Our close friends can point out on how we are dressed,how our haircuts/hairstyles look like. They will both compliment and critique how we look. Friends tend to look out for us so that we don’t go out in public looking funny and end up embarrassing ourselves. However,there are certain characters who never point out any good thing about you. I know there’s a person who just popped in your thoughts after you’ve read that statement. This person doesn’t ever shut up about the things that are negative and where everything appears to be perfect,they’ll choose to mention that little insignificant wrong thing.

How do you actually deal with such kind of a person? Well,one thing is that we all handle people’s opinions differently depending on our self esteem. There are individuals who are affected to an extent that they feel intimidated and actually revert to hating themselves. As someone who loves themselves,you shouldn’t take everything to heart. Some people out here actually have no sense of direction and no purpose. They now reflect their insecurities and failures on others by making mocking remarks and criticism so as to feel like they are relevant. If you let their remarks affect you then they feel they have won and they’ll get some type of satisfaction. Others feel uncomfortable coz of how great you are,your potential,your popularity,your excellent relationship with those around you and everything you are made of. They now want to tear you down through insults and demotivating comments. These are the people who will talk ill about you to others and behind your back just to try and dim your light or make you appear less appealing to others. You should just let such people be coz you are way better than them and they are not used to such greatness. There is a saying that dogs bark at people and things that are strange to them, in the same way your ilk is not an everyday thing to some people.

Your reaction is not needed in everything that will be said to you or done to you. For example, On social media there’s alot of criticism and you find the individuals being critiqued are well established in their careers and have a lavish lifestyle yet there are people saying lots of bad things to/about them. At times I read the comments people write on people’s posts and I feel outraged. There are comments that can even lead someone to commiting suicide. But do you see our celebrities taking their lives simply because there are people insulting them and even their families at large? No. Learn not to respond to negative comments. The ones making such comments want to see you make a fool out of yourself by responding to them,feeling sorry for yourself,hating how you look and everything that’s related to you. Remember that their opinions can’t have an actual effect on how you look or on the things you’ve accomplished. Nothing will change. You can be perfectly fine but you won’t lack that person who is there to always tear you down. It can even be the person you call best friend. There are friends who want you to live behind their shadows. They want to be seen like they are doing better than you hence they’ll tell you some things pretending to be correcting you yet they are killing your star and self-confidence.

This post is long already however,there are things I’ve not said yet. My next post will be a continuation of this. Thanks for reading through my article. Let me know your thoughts.

There is a thin line between self love and being selfish

There are people who interpret selfish as self love and vice versa. We need to understand what being selfish is and how it looks like. Selfish is lacking consideration for other people. It is concentrating on one’s advantage,pleasure and one’s own welfare in disregard of others. A selfish individual will do just anything to get what they want and they tend to use manipulation to get to where they want. One can also be termed as stingy and self centered. They want everything for themselves and don’t actually put other people’s needs,feelings and emotions into consideration. Most times,a selfish person makes themselves happy at the expense of other people’s happiness.

On the other hand,self love is a state of appreciation for oneself. It is taking care of your own needs and not always sacrificing your well being to please others. Self Love means not settling for less than you deserve,you prioritize yourself,take a break when you need to, trusting yourself,being true to you, talking to yourself nicely and forgiving yourself when you have made mistakes.

Self Love doesn’t mean being rude and doing whatever you like without thinking of how your actions will affect the people around you. It isn’t being obsessed with oneself and forgetting that other people exist. It is simply taking care of yourself,doing the things you enjoy doing,grooming nicely,believing in your abilities and appreciating who you are and what you are made of. It is after you have fallen fully in love with the soul under your skin that you can truly spread and give love to others. Self care means that you have fed your soul and mind to an extent that you can now pour into other people’s cups.

It is easy for us to make selfish decisions especially when the opportunity favours us and elevates us to a high level. There’s nobody who has not acted selfish at some point. For example,I have two brothers,our first born is older than me by two years so basically we grew up together. I would screw up or make mistakes and then pin it on my brother. He used to get beatings that were not meant for him simply because I chose to be selfish. For instance,there’s a day I lost sh 2000 that mum had given me to do shopping. I was so tensed coz I knew my mum would beat me for losing that amount. My brother had a habit of taking small small cash and he used to be caned alot. So that day I waited for mum to come home and told her that my brother is the one who took the 2K. My big brother couldn’t prove himself innocent as we all knew that he used to take mum’s money. It made me feel so guilty because my selfish action made him suffer some thorough punishment. I protected myself through sacrificing him. I did not consider his feelings/emotions.

Sometimes we can make decisions without involving our friends/family/partners yet whatever we decide on will affect them in one way or another. Let’s say you’ve always had a dream to study in another country. So one day an opportunity presents itself and you are offered a scholarship to go and study in that other country. Ofcourse you’ll be so excited and fill out the forms without thinking twice. How do you think your family/friends and partner will feel about it? Ofcourse they will be happy for you that finally your dream has come true. But will that be all? They will feel irrelevant to you. It’s like their opinions don’t matter to you. You don’t care about how they’ll be affected when you move to that other country. That is a very selfish action. A considerate person will first of all talk to their partners and let them know that they have been given the opportunity to school in a different country. There should be atleast a conversation before filling the forms. That way you can discuss on the pros and cons of you moving to that other country,how your relationship will be affected and the things you can do in order to stay connected. Your partner will feel valued and appreciated when you engage them before making huge decisions.

Thank you for reading through this piece. Let me know your thoughts.

Choosing Yourself: The Art of Saying No, Self-Appreciation, and Confidence

Hey lovely people,I thank God for you and thanks for the amazing comments and feedback. I’ll cover the requests am getting from you and I hope my content will be of help to some of you if not all of you. In this piece I’ll handle the remaining questions.

5. Do I say NO to my friends when their plans inconvenience me? When it comes to this,people can be a bit reluctant. It is not easy to say no to your friends. Also as a person,I do struggle with saying no to my friends. When we say no,it’s easy for us to be left out and miss out. When we meet our friends we have fun,create more memories together and this makes the bonds stronger. Who doesn’t want to be a part of all this? And how can we achieve this if we turn down a meet up/hang out? You find that we compromise alot of things just because we want to be present. By doing this,you may end up not even having fun at a personal level since your mind is lingering on the things you had to postpone or forego just to be present and impress your friends. It is important that you learn on when to say no. You should choose what is more important at that moment. Is it going out and have some drinks with friends or prepare for an exam that you are supposed to sit for tomorrow? Is it spending your money on tours/travels with friends or going for that medical check up you have been meaning to? Trust me,being honest with yourself and with your friends will save you alot of trouble. I’ll respect you more when you turn me down because of something you’ve been meaning to do for yourself and suggest we reschedule instead to a time that will suit both of us or the parties involved.

6. Do I compliment myself often? As a human being,you need or crave to be told good things about you. You feel so good when a friend tells you how good you look,you take pride when they point out something that you are excellent at. Now,do you say good things to you? How often do you point out your strengths to you? Why is it that you are quick to condemn yourself when you’ve done something wrong yet you fail to say good things out loud to yourself? Make it a habit to be loud about the positives. The same way you are always complimenting the people without,you should always compliment the person within. You deserve everything that you offer the ones around you. Never forget that you are a person!

7. Do I feel confident? Based on our different personalities,people have different levels of confidence/self esteem. Someone who is comfortable with themselves have a high self esteem. It means they see themselves as deserving the respect of others. You should identify the kind of things that make you feel good about yourself and also get involved in activities that allow you to have fun and loosen up. Also,do things that you are good at and they will add into making you feel confident. Dressing is another thing that can either build or kill your confidence. Be in clothes that are comfortable. This way,you don’t have to worry alot about how you look. In my opinion,I think that confidence comes with how an individual views themselves and how they think they appear to others. So being smart and in comfortable clothes makes one feel better about their appearance.

Thank you for reading through this piece. I hope I have covered the fundamentals in every question. I will appreciate your feedback.

Self-Love Check-In: 4 Powerful Questions to Transform Your Confidence

Hey my lovely people. I’m here again with some more content on self love. I would like this to be like a conversation between me and you;give me feedback and share your thoughts in the different things I’ll talk about. You should be comfortable and free in this space,be you. In my previous post I had listed a number of questions for you to gauge your affection towards you/the person beneath your skin. In this piece I will handle a few of the questions and give the possible responses.

1. Do I compare myself to others? It is not entirely wrong to compare yourself to your colleagues,what matters is how that comparison affects you and how often you do it and in what occasions. For someone who loves themselves,the answer can be No or Yes I do compare myself at times just to check how I am doing. People say that comparison is a killer of joy. The only comparison I expect you to do is the one that challenges you to work smarter/harder in order to achieve the things you wish for yourself. It should be about the things you can work on as a person to be at a better place. Do not bring yourself down just coz someone is doing better than you,we aren’t running the same race and we don’t actually want the same things in life. The sun and the moon are worlds apart,they all shine differently but are very unique and beautiful in their own ways. You shine brightest when you are just you✨. Also,don’t forget that social media is plastic. People post the best of their experiences and the perfect pictures. Nobody posts their failure and the days they look like a mess. You are only made to see what the person posting wants you to see.

2. Do I care alot about people’s opinions especially about my physique? Maybe your answer is no I don’t care alot about people’s opinions or yes sometimes I do care. One thing you should know is that people will always talk. We have two ears and one mouth coz we are meant to listen more and talk less yet human beings are fond of the complete opposite. You can have the best personality and the most streamlined body but people will still talk. Listen here,I know you have insecurities. This is very normal,I also have insecurities about my body. Should I let you in a little secret? EVERYONE HAS INSECURITIES. We aren’t perfect and we aren’t meant to be perfect. We are humans and humans are beautiful through their different imperfections. What should matter is how you think about your body. Dress yourself in clothes that make you feel good about your features and it will elevate your mood and self image.

3. Do I seek for people’s recognition in my day to day activities? Your answer should be no or at times. Why feel the need for people’s validation? Seeking people’s recognition means you are living in your head,you aren’t honest with yourself,not genuinely happy. When you are doing the things that matter to you and feel satisfied at a personal level it doesn’t matter whether someone says you are doing good or not. Yes sometimes you’ll feel bad when people don’t comment that you are doing great but, you should be your own fan. Appreciate your small and big wins and be happy with the things you are doing. Celebrate you if there’s no one to congratulate and celebrate you. Give yourself the things you seek from the ones around you.

4. Do I choose myself over the people I love when I need to? My answer is yes. Well,people may term this as selfish when you put your needs before others but you are the one to decide when you need to choose you over everyone else. You need time to be alone and work on yourself. It is not your responsibility to always take care of the ones you love. Sure,you should be there when they need you but you should also be there for you when you need you. You shouldn’t overstretch just coz you want to show someone that you care. Choosing you means you know what makes you happy,what makes you uncomfortable,what makes you feel you are not appreciated,and you are aware of when you need a break.

Let me know the various ways you answered the above questions and your possible explanations. I will write more on the remaining questions.

Thank you for reading through this article.