Category Archives: Personal development

THINGS THAT NO LONGER SERVE ME

When I was a kid I looked forward to becoming an adult. Right now that I am one, I keep wishing that I’d go back to being a baby. Babies don’t give a care about what’s going on around them as long as they are well fed, watch tv, and have a few toys and friends to play with. Have you ever wondered why babies have the most friends? Babies don’t discriminate based on diversity. The more one grows, the more disconnected one becomes from friends and old habits. Age comes with distance from friends and it is until you are relevant to someone that you’ll remain close with them. What do I mean by being relevant? What draws you to those people you’ve been friends with over many years? You got to have similar interests, common habits, or talents. As an adult, you find yourself talking to people who you meet often as you do a common thing and you stay connected. You are drawn to those who help and support you in your daily struggles.

I can say that I have experienced self-growth in major ways over the years. I have had different passions/likes and in each stage of life I have gone up the ladder in terms of the things I intend to achieve, the things I’ve accomplished, and also the people I’ve interacted with. Each step of the way I’ve had people who are close to me and with whom we share(d) lots in common. I can’t pinpoint and say that this is my best friend and these others are just friends. Different people serve different purposes in my life and everyone is unique to me.

I am at a point in life where I have come to terms with the fact that people change, things change, and that it is okay to let go of things that no longer serve me. I have lost friends, gained new ones, and outgrown the things that used to excite me. Adulthood is a series of doubting yourself, then thinking you have everything figured out, you feel you’ve moved a few steps forward only to later feel you are stuck. Every day you are at war with yourself, debating your beliefs, values, purpose, and significance in life.

At times the things that hold us back are toxic friendships/relationships and certain behaviors that we well know don’t add to our value. Holding on can be because that is what brings us false fulfillment or we feel good when people know we are associated with certain people/groups of friends. I think the past few years have taught me that friends aren’t permanent and it is okay to cut strings when those friendships bring nothing to the table. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. Do you feel at ease/happy/fulfilled or do you feel drained, frustrated, or lost? Our bodies know how to detect energies and energies never lie. Let loose the people who bring chaos into your life. Do away with beliefs and practices that aren’t helpful. Do not seek validation or acceptance. True power comes in when you are the boss of your life and trashing the things that no longer serve us regardless of how hard or painful it is. Focus on the bigger picture.

By Ambitious Val.

Why don’t we see the greatness in us?

It has come to my realization that most of us are clouded by our failure in the past and don’t see the greatness we’ve achieved and how blessed we are. It takes a third eye to see how wonderful and able we are. We are too hard on ourselves and don’t celebrate our wins the way we should just coz we feel we haven’t really accomplished the level of success we desire.

It is easy to be carried away by the big things we wish to achieve in future and turn a blind eye to what we already have. We have to live in the present and appreciate the big and small milestones we’ve covered as we look forward to the mountains of success we wish to attain. Gratitude comes a long way with bringing some kind of contentment in our hearts. Having a grateful attitude will help us eliminate the feeling of emptiness that at times overcomes us. It opens our eyes to how far we’ve come,the blessings we have,how wonderful we are. At times it’s good to hear the opinions people have about us,the way they perceive us. You’ll be shocked to know how much value people place in you and how you carry yourself.

I have recently been experiencing imposter syndrome. This is an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be or feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience and previous accomplishments (meaning derived from http://www.healthline.com). I have had questions like,what am I doing where I am? Do I really belong? Do I really have the necessary qualifications for the various fields I’m involved in? Am I deserving of the titles given to me and tasks assigned? Even in my personal initiatives for example my blog. Just thinking whether my content is really good/ helpful and do people appreciate it.

This syndrome is a serious pandemic as it hinders us from achieving our full potential. It is a mental journey that we should devote out energy into overcoming as it belittles us and elevates the fear of failure which in turn makes us remain stagnant. Writing down positive things about ourselves,big achievements,small successes and the things we are good at can be a good start. Just refocus your thoughts to the most amazing parts of yourself,what you pride in and your strengths. You should reconnect with that little self inside and see the star that has been dimmed. How do you define your success? I understand that success means different things to different people. Don’t let other’s definition of success make you feel like you aren’t doing alright. Success should be personalized and you are the one to asess whether you’ve gotten to where you want and if not,what steps should you take to get there.

You are a phenomenal and you should be stronger than that small voice in your head that whimpers negativity. Believe in yourself and be a guru in your own life be it professionally, academically, socially and all other fields.

By Ambitious Val. Be exceptional!

We learn new things about ourselves from time to time if not everyday.

Each day presents a new chance for us to learn. We also get opportunities to pick between different choices that lead us to different situations. There are things we do that leave us questioning our personality,likes,strengths,values,interests and passions. This is because nobody has fully discovered themselves and a new day brings new things: we get to unlock a hidden part of ourselves. It actually explains why one day we wake up fully unconcerned and uninterested in things that used to excite us.

We all have certain titles,hobbies,talents,careers and abilities we want to be associated with. However,it disadvantages us such that we don’t want to try out stuffs and get out of our comfort zone. I have a friend who when asked who he is answers, *I never want to define/describe myself with titles as that could limit me to being one person. I feel I have different personalities and I am many things.* As insane as it sounds I totally agree with him,he is definitely many things and can be different people depending on the occasion. Describing ourselves using titles restricts us to being that one person.

In different careers,there are standard expected achievements,behaviour,lifestyle and even fashion for those associated with that particular field. Once someone says they are a doctor,we see them differently and accord them some level of respect because of the magnitude of their academic achievements and also accomplishments in life. We wouldn’t expect to see a doctor out in the club having fun and dancing like a lunatic. People have stereotypes on how teachers,lawyers,doctors,pilots,engineers and all other people have to live their lives. This in turn affects individuals and make them suppress some part of themselves to fit into the demands of the world. Similarly, we find ourselves doing things that aren’t associated with the titles/talents/activities we want to be known by or things that aren’t in line with how we view ourselves. I am not talking about things that aren’t morally right or those that go against our values.

Throughout my life I was like,I can never be a model. I didn’t even comprehend why people had fashion shows and the Mr/Miss competitions. I had an odd walking style,tom-boyish not even in my wildest dreams could I ever dream that I’d walk on a runway. I have been well known for being a great dancer all my life. That title has been my brand for the longest time. Guess what,I became a model in first year and I fell in love with the run way. My talent for dance was overshadowed and very few people in campus knew that I am a talented dancer. We develop new habits and interests along the way. Just coz you had said you can never do something it shouldn’t hinder you from trying. Titles shouldn’t limit us to one way of thinking and one way of doing things/living. Dare to do what your heart desires so long as you don’t go out of your values and morals.

By Ambitious Val