Life lessons & Experiences

We learn new things about ourselves from time to time if not everyday.

Each day presents a new chance for us to learn. We also get opportunities to pick between different choices that lead us to different situations. There are things we do that leave us questioning our personality,likes,strengths,values,interests and passions. This is because nobody has fully discovered themselves and a new day brings new things: we get to unlock a hidden part of ourselves. It actually explains why one day we wake up fully unconcerned and uninterested in things that used to excite us.

We all have certain titles,hobbies,talents,careers and abilities we want to be associated with. However,it disadvantages us such that we don’t want to try out stuffs and get out of our comfort zone. I have a friend who when asked who he is answers, *I never want to define/describe myself with titles as that could limit me to being one person. I feel I have different personalities and I am many things.* As insane as it sounds I totally agree with him,he is definitely many things and can be different people depending on the occasion. Describing ourselves using titles restricts us to being that one person.

In different careers,there are standard expected achievements,behaviour,lifestyle and even fashion for those associated with that particular field. Once someone says they are a doctor,we see them differently and accord them some level of respect because of the magnitude of their academic achievements and also accomplishments in life. We wouldn’t expect to see a doctor out in the club having fun and dancing like a lunatic. People have stereotypes on how teachers,lawyers,doctors,pilots,engineers and all other people have to live their lives. This in turn affects individuals and make them suppress some part of themselves to fit into the demands of the world. Similarly, we find ourselves doing things that aren’t associated with the titles/talents/activities we want to be known by or things that aren’t in line with how we view ourselves. I am not talking about things that aren’t morally right or those that go against our values.

Throughout my life I was like,I can never be a model. I didn’t even comprehend why people had fashion shows and the Mr/Miss competitions. I had an odd walking style,tom-boyish not even in my wildest dreams could I ever dream that I’d walk on a runway. I have been well known for being a great dancer all my life. That title has been my brand for the longest time. Guess what,I became a model in first year and I fell in love with the run way. My talent for dance was overshadowed and very few people in campus knew that I am a talented dancer. We develop new habits and interests along the way. Just coz you had said you can never do something it shouldn’t hinder you from trying. Titles shouldn’t limit us to one way of thinking and one way of doing things/living. Dare to do what your heart desires so long as you don’t go out of your values and morals.

By Ambitious Val

Mastering the Art of Staying Unbothered: Own Your Confidence & Worth

I am a girl who puts so much value in self love. I have been raised single handedly by a single mum . She has played a great part in what and who I am today. Growing up,she always kept on telling me to love myself and believe that I can make it. Her mantra was and still is, *you can have whatever you want as long as you put your mind,heart and efforts into it*. She reminds me that I am worthy of everything my heart desires and there’s no better person than me in the world regardless of the race, nationality, social and economic class. We are all the same,human.

Her words have kept me strong and made me have such a high self-esteem. Having a high self-esteem doesn’t mean that I don’t get affected by people’s opinions. There are people who are mean and get under my skin to an extent that I become extremely rude and speak my truth,then there are instances where I just look at someone and smile. Some time back, I worked at a certain place where the senior employee was always on my case. She used to just state negative things about me trying to be funny and to make me appear less appealing to my colleagues at work. She’s the kind of person who will look for the smallest mistake in your grooming/dressing and call it out Infront of people. Everyone was fed up but they couldn’t stand up to her. One time, I had a rough morning but I still had to go to work less I get fired. My tolerance was low and I didn’t want anyone stepping on my toes. I had worn a new blouse which I fancy alot. She looked at me up and down then asked *Kwani umevaa nguo ya mama yako?* In my head I was like,oh wow,this is gonna get interesting. I asked why the question. She said that it looked oversize on me. I looked at her up and down,asked her who is wearing the blouse and I walked away. Since that day she never asked me stupid questions again and I didn’t hear her state her negative opinions as she did before.

It feels really sweet to give people your piece and put them in their place. However,this should not always be the case. You shouldn’t let your emotions get out of hand coz you may speak back to people who shouldn’t be talked back to. If the opinions are from your friends,just search deep down to see whether it is meant to make you grow or it’s just to dim your shine. At times,you’ll hear comments that are only meant to see how mad you can get.

Bottom line is,people have their own thoughts of you and you can’t control that. What you have control over is your reaction,thoughts and words. It is not everyone that deserves your energy and response. You are way better than the one trying to bring you down.

By Ambitious Val.

There is a thin line between self love and being selfish

There are people who interpret selfish as self love and vice versa. We need to understand what being selfish is and how it looks like. Selfish is lacking consideration for other people. It is concentrating on one’s advantage,pleasure and one’s own welfare in disregard of others. A selfish individual will do just anything to get what they want and they tend to use manipulation to get to where they want. One can also be termed as stingy and self centered. They want everything for themselves and don’t actually put other people’s needs,feelings and emotions into consideration. Most times,a selfish person makes themselves happy at the expense of other people’s happiness.

On the other hand,self love is a state of appreciation for oneself. It is taking care of your own needs and not always sacrificing your well being to please others. Self Love means not settling for less than you deserve,you prioritize yourself,take a break when you need to, trusting yourself,being true to you, talking to yourself nicely and forgiving yourself when you have made mistakes.

Self Love doesn’t mean being rude and doing whatever you like without thinking of how your actions will affect the people around you. It isn’t being obsessed with oneself and forgetting that other people exist. It is simply taking care of yourself,doing the things you enjoy doing,grooming nicely,believing in your abilities and appreciating who you are and what you are made of. It is after you have fallen fully in love with the soul under your skin that you can truly spread and give love to others. Self care means that you have fed your soul and mind to an extent that you can now pour into other people’s cups.

It is easy for us to make selfish decisions especially when the opportunity favours us and elevates us to a high level. There’s nobody who has not acted selfish at some point. For example,I have two brothers,our first born is older than me by two years so basically we grew up together. I would screw up or make mistakes and then pin it on my brother. He used to get beatings that were not meant for him simply because I chose to be selfish. For instance,there’s a day I lost sh 2000 that mum had given me to do shopping. I was so tensed coz I knew my mum would beat me for losing that amount. My brother had a habit of taking small small cash and he used to be caned alot. So that day I waited for mum to come home and told her that my brother is the one who took the 2K. My big brother couldn’t prove himself innocent as we all knew that he used to take mum’s money. It made me feel so guilty because my selfish action made him suffer some thorough punishment. I protected myself through sacrificing him. I did not consider his feelings/emotions.

Sometimes we can make decisions without involving our friends/family/partners yet whatever we decide on will affect them in one way or another. Let’s say you’ve always had a dream to study in another country. So one day an opportunity presents itself and you are offered a scholarship to go and study in that other country. Ofcourse you’ll be so excited and fill out the forms without thinking twice. How do you think your family/friends and partner will feel about it? Ofcourse they will be happy for you that finally your dream has come true. But will that be all? They will feel irrelevant to you. It’s like their opinions don’t matter to you. You don’t care about how they’ll be affected when you move to that other country. That is a very selfish action. A considerate person will first of all talk to their partners and let them know that they have been given the opportunity to school in a different country. There should be atleast a conversation before filling the forms. That way you can discuss on the pros and cons of you moving to that other country,how your relationship will be affected and the things you can do in order to stay connected. Your partner will feel valued and appreciated when you engage them before making huge decisions.

Thank you for reading through this piece. Let me know your thoughts.