Reflections by Ambitious Val

SELF REFLECTION

Self reflection is the activity of thinking about your own feelings, behavior and the reasons that may lie behind them (Cambridge Dictionary)

It is good to take a pause and evaluate how you are doing mentally, emotionally, and physically. Self-reflection helps you understand who you are, your values, attitudes, desires, and motivations, and why you think, feel, and act the way you do. You can think deeply about what truly matters to you.

For you to actualize self-reflection, you have to be intentional. Look for a place that has minimal distractions, you can play some soothing music that won’t interfere with your thought process. Have your journal and a pen. You can pick a period that you want to look back into. Write down the highs and the lows of that given time. Allow yourself to be honest and vulnerable. Think about what everything you’ve written makes you feel.

I know the lows may be louder than the highs you’ve listed. It is human nature to concentrate so much on the things that have gone wrong over the things that have happened in our favor. Ask yourself whether the wrongs were things within your control. If yes, then think of what you may do differently next time. If not, then find ways to make peace with it. Dig deep into the different spheres of your life. Do you feel healthy? How do you feel about the various relationships you have? Do you like your job? Do you feel mentally at peace? Do you feel satisfaction when you look at the life you lead?

Do not be too hard on yourself. The goal is to get a better understanding of how you are fairing in life. You will become more self-aware. When you feel stuck, look back, dig deep, self-reflect, and then purpose to change. Without evaluation then you won’t know what you are doing right or wrong and what you should enhance or work on. Change is influenced by assessment and evaluation.

There are times I get an overwhelming feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and feeling unaccomplished. I have to go back to my journal and write down exactly what I am feeling and thinking. I then try my best to declutter and identify factors/events/people that influence my mood at that particular moment. It might be that I haven’t been working out, I feel disconnected from someone dear to me, there’s pressure from work, I have mental exhaustion because I haven’t been sleeping enough, or I feel unsatisfied because I have dropped my hobbies such as reading. After that, I implement habits that will eliminate those negative feelings. For the things that are beyond my power, I find peace and live with them.

By Ambitious Val.

PERSONALITY

There are thousands of ways to describe personality. As much as people can learn, evolve and change in diverse areas of life, their personalities remain the same. Knowing one’s personality is a an enormous step towards being self-aware. It explains why we are the way we are, and why we associate with different groups and find pleasure in certain activities.

Personality, is a characteristic way of thinking, feeling, and behaving. It embraces moods, attitudes, and opinions and is most clearly expressed in interactions with other people. It includes behavioral characteristics, both inherent and acquired, that distinguish one person from another and that can be observed in people’s relations to the environment and the social group. (https://www.britannica.com/topic/personality/Psychoanalytic-theories)

When asked the question `who are you?’, most people tend to list their academic and professional prowess forgetting to unmask the person deep within. For example, I’d answer the question by saying, my name, age, academic level, and my position in our family: `my name is Valentine, I am a 12-year-old girl who studies at St Paul primary school. I am the middle child in our family.’ This response doesn’t portray anything about who I am. Yes, it is integral to incorporate our family, educational background our various attainments when doing an introduction of ourselves but we shouldn’t dwell on that and turn a blind eye to our inner being: our beliefs and values.

Personality is majorly described through adjectives such as caring, sensitive, outgoing, spiritual, energetic, calm, quiet, rude, bold, short-tempered, etc. It has nothing to do with one’s appearance/body physique. It is 100% about the things that are not tangible about someone. During a job interview, when the interviewers ask you to say more about yourself, they want to know about your talents/hobbies and personal attributes. It is not the time to say the things you’ve written in your CV. Having said that, let me re-introduce myself. My name is Valentine, I am bold, enterprising, confident, enthusiastic, and very outgoing. I have a calm presence that makes people view me as friendly and easy to talk to. I am dependable and always willing to learn. I have good problem-solving skills which make me want to be part of the team coming up with solutions. I find pleasure in reading books, listening to music, and dancing and I’m a talented actress. I believe that self-love is the first step to living life fully for you. I accept and respect people’s points of view and differences. There’s so much more to a person than meets the eye.

By Ambitious Val.

THINGS THAT NO LONGER SERVE ME

When I was a kid I looked forward to becoming an adult. Right now that I am one, I keep wishing that I’d go back to being a baby. Babies don’t give a care about what’s going on around them as long as they are well fed, watch tv, and have a few toys and friends to play with. Have you ever wondered why babies have the most friends? Babies don’t discriminate based on diversity. The more one grows, the more disconnected one becomes from friends and old habits. Age comes with distance from friends and it is until you are relevant to someone that you’ll remain close with them. What do I mean by being relevant? What draws you to those people you’ve been friends with over many years? You got to have similar interests, common habits, or talents. As an adult, you find yourself talking to people who you meet often as you do a common thing and you stay connected. You are drawn to those who help and support you in your daily struggles.

I can say that I have experienced self-growth in major ways over the years. I have had different passions/likes and in each stage of life I have gone up the ladder in terms of the things I intend to achieve, the things I’ve accomplished, and also the people I’ve interacted with. Each step of the way I’ve had people who are close to me and with whom we share(d) lots in common. I can’t pinpoint and say that this is my best friend and these others are just friends. Different people serve different purposes in my life and everyone is unique to me.

I am at a point in life where I have come to terms with the fact that people change, things change, and that it is okay to let go of things that no longer serve me. I have lost friends, gained new ones, and outgrown the things that used to excite me. Adulthood is a series of doubting yourself, then thinking you have everything figured out, you feel you’ve moved a few steps forward only to later feel you are stuck. Every day you are at war with yourself, debating your beliefs, values, purpose, and significance in life.

At times the things that hold us back are toxic friendships/relationships and certain behaviors that we well know don’t add to our value. Holding on can be because that is what brings us false fulfillment or we feel good when people know we are associated with certain people/groups of friends. I think the past few years have taught me that friends aren’t permanent and it is okay to cut strings when those friendships bring nothing to the table. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. Do you feel at ease/happy/fulfilled or do you feel drained, frustrated, or lost? Our bodies know how to detect energies and energies never lie. Let loose the people who bring chaos into your life. Do away with beliefs and practices that aren’t helpful. Do not seek validation or acceptance. True power comes in when you are the boss of your life and trashing the things that no longer serve us regardless of how hard or painful it is. Focus on the bigger picture.

By Ambitious Val.

Why don’t we see the greatness in us?

It has come to my realization that most of us are clouded by our failure in the past and don’t see the greatness we’ve achieved and how blessed we are. It takes a third eye to see how wonderful and able we are. We are too hard on ourselves and don’t celebrate our wins the way we should just coz we feel we haven’t really accomplished the level of success we desire.

It is easy to be carried away by the big things we wish to achieve in future and turn a blind eye to what we already have. We have to live in the present and appreciate the big and small milestones we’ve covered as we look forward to the mountains of success we wish to attain. Gratitude comes a long way with bringing some kind of contentment in our hearts. Having a grateful attitude will help us eliminate the feeling of emptiness that at times overcomes us. It opens our eyes to how far we’ve come,the blessings we have,how wonderful we are. At times it’s good to hear the opinions people have about us,the way they perceive us. You’ll be shocked to know how much value people place in you and how you carry yourself.

I have recently been experiencing imposter syndrome. This is an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be or feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience and previous accomplishments (meaning derived from http://www.healthline.com). I have had questions like,what am I doing where I am? Do I really belong? Do I really have the necessary qualifications for the various fields I’m involved in? Am I deserving of the titles given to me and tasks assigned? Even in my personal initiatives for example my blog. Just thinking whether my content is really good/ helpful and do people appreciate it.

This syndrome is a serious pandemic as it hinders us from achieving our full potential. It is a mental journey that we should devote out energy into overcoming as it belittles us and elevates the fear of failure which in turn makes us remain stagnant. Writing down positive things about ourselves,big achievements,small successes and the things we are good at can be a good start. Just refocus your thoughts to the most amazing parts of yourself,what you pride in and your strengths. You should reconnect with that little self inside and see the star that has been dimmed. How do you define your success? I understand that success means different things to different people. Don’t let other’s definition of success make you feel like you aren’t doing alright. Success should be personalized and you are the one to asess whether you’ve gotten to where you want and if not,what steps should you take to get there.

You are a phenomenal and you should be stronger than that small voice in your head that whimpers negativity. Believe in yourself and be a guru in your own life be it professionally, academically, socially and all other fields.

By Ambitious Val. Be exceptional!